Where do I belong?

kruthika ganesh
2 min readAug 20, 2023

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An immigrant’s dilemma.

Based on a true story.

Photo by Katie Moum on Unsplash

With a head full of dreams and a heart brimming with excitement, we set off from our motherland, leaving behind all that we hold dear and familiar, towards a future we believe would be bright.
However, after landing here, I was offered the ‘reality’ shades.

I started to see things how an immigrant should.

What was once a colourful dream completely turned grey.

The rose-tinted view was shattered, and clouds of disappointment ascended over me.

That’s when I realised: happiness can mutate into disappointment in no time.

I scolded myself, feeling foolish.
Did I really think I could have it all?
A happy family, a great career and every desire?

“Well, here, you are an immigrant.
Your name is hard to pronounce.
You speak with a funny accent.
You look different from us. Your skin colour is repelling.
Why don’t you go back to your country?

Oh, you want a job in your field? That’s funny you think that.
Did you think you could have high-paying jobs?
Did you forget you are an immigrant?
You might be a surgeon back home, but here you are, just an immigrant. So, run along and find a survival job that will give you ‘our country’ experience. The tale of starting from scratch is much revered here,” they say.

What have I done?
Uprooted the perfect life that we had back home!
A job that paid well, a house to call my own, and people who love and accept me as I am.
Why am I so good at wrecking things?
Sometimes, I question if I find pleasure in complicating matters for myself and, now, for my husband as well.

Standing at crossroads, I wonder where I truly belong — my homeland I left behind or this new, foreign land that refuses to accept me as I am.

With everything falling apart, I can only sit and listen to the static that fills my mind.

It all feels impossible.

The struggle is undeniably real!

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